Helping Troubled Kids Find Their Way

Social isolation was the topic of a recent movie night on Jan. 7 at the United Methodist Church in Gales Ferry. The film, “To Save a Life,” portrayed a troubled young man who walks into his high school one morning, takes out a pistol and ends his life.

On Jan. 8, the very next day, a similarly troubled young man opened fire at a political event in Tucson, Ariz., sponsored by Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. Six people were killed and 14, including Giffords, were injured.

Unfortunately, events like the Arizona shooting have become all-too familiar – the latest in a string of tragedies going back to Columbine, and more recently including Virginia Tech and Fort Hood. These are the stories that make the news.

In reality, troubled young people are far more likely to turn violent impulses inward, as portrayed in the movie. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among people 15-24 years old, according to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.

These are the stories that rarely make the news.

Ledyard Youth Services Coordinator Kate Sikorski is well aware of how tough it can be for young people in today’s world.

“There is so much pressure put on kids today – social and peer pressure – to get into the right school, to play on the right sports team or to be accepted into the right circle of friends,” Sikorski said. She works with two other counselors – Nora Gumpel and Rosi Smith – to help young people who are struggling with emotional problems or behavioral issues.

These could include problems with anxiety or depression. It could include substance abuse issues or problems at home. It could be problems at school, including being teased or bullied.

Sikorski and her colleagues counsel kids from elementary school through high school. She said 90 percent of their clients are referred by the school system, although young people or their families may also contact the counseling service directly.

There is life after high school

In the case of adolescents who struggle with feelings of social isolation or not fitting in at school, Sikorski said it is important to help them understand that school is just a small part of the much larger life they will eventually lead.

And guess what?

“Not everyone loves high school,” she said. “I didn’t love high school. So we try to get kids to focus on those times at school when they felt happy, or felt connected, and grasp onto that feeling,” she said.

“We also try to help them focus on a five-year plan,” she said, and it is no accident that the plan’s duration is designed to get them past high school.

Sikorski said she sometimes advises kids who are struggling to consider becoming involved in a service project. Often volunteering and giving back to the community can be wonderfully therapeutic, she said.

In the case of bullies, Sikorski said that is a problem that involves everyone.

“I can’t very well go into the school and tell those five students to stop calling names,” she said. “Even if I could, it wouldn’t work.”

Rather, she said, all of us need to be mindful of how we treat others.

“Each of us, no matter how old we are, really need to be aware of the people around us. And when we see someone struggling, we can always reach out to that person and say, ‘hey, you want to come out for a cup of coffee?’”

Because just as words can hurt and stay with us, she said, a kind word or gesture can go a long way toward helping a troubled young person find his way.

The Ledyard Youth Services office is in the lower level of Town Hall. A child’s family is asked to attend the initial counseling session or sessions. “It is very important for us to make that family connection,” Sikorski said. 

To talk to someone at Ledyard Youth Services, call 860 464-3213.